The latest college cheating scandal
has already caught more than 50 adults red-handed, including coaches,
test administrators, CEOs and Hollywood celebrities – not to mention
embarrassing the heck out of elite universities like Yale, Stanford, Georgetown, USC and UCLA.
That academic cheating goes on
isn’t exactly breaking news. Awhile back The Educational Testing
Service and Ad Council even launched a campaign to discourage it with
the tagline, “Cheating is a personal foul.” With “increased
competitiveness for admission into universities and graduate schools,”
The Academic Cheating Fact Sheet said, cheating is “seen by many
students as a means to a profitable end.”
But what if your parents
are wealthy and do the cheating for you by paying for higher test
scores like “Desperate Housewives” actress Felicity Huffman – who paid
$15,000 disguised as a charitable donation so their daughter could take
part in the college entrance-exam cheating scam, according to court
documents.
Or
what if they scheme to invent athletic achievements to get you into a
top school, like “Fuller House” actress Lori Loughlin, who is accused of
agreeing to pay $500,000 in bribes to have her two daughters designated
as recruits for the University of Southern California crew team despite
that fact that neither child participated in the sport.
You don’t
even have to work to get that top SAT score or the position of crew
captain. It’s purchased for you, like a new iPhone. Just ring it up on
Mastercard…ka-ching.
All looks “profitable” – until you get caught by the Department of Justice.
But
would your kids really want you to do that for them? Why not ask them
and use this as a natural “teachable moment” to highlight the importance
of true self-worth and the value of hard work?
Just throw this
out at the dinner table: “I’d love your opinion on something. I just saw
a shocking news story about some really rich people who paid a lot of
money to get their kids into the right college. We’re not rich, but I’m
wondering: If we were and I did that for the two of you, how would you
feel about it?”
Wait for it. If you have two kids, their responses will predictably be as different as night and day.
Kid
1: “I’d be upset and hurt. You don’t believe in me very much, do you? I
mean, you paid somebody because you didn’t think I could get in myself
by studying and working hard.”
Kid 2 shrugs: “If I could get into a
big school like that as a done deal, without sweating over an
application or a test, cool! What’s bad about that?”
Kid 1 fires
back: “You didn’t get into the school, Dumbo. Mom got you into it by
paying somebody. You telling me you’d feel good about that?”
Kid 2: (Silence).
Kid
1: “And you’d get caught, because you’re stupid. Even if you didn’t,
you could never keep up with the work at a college you didn’t deserve to
get in.”
Look at that. With no lecture from you, your older son
has just solidified his belief in the self-reward of working hard, and
your younger daughter got a wake-up call about the real world.
No
one feels truly good about undeserved rewards being handed to them
(especially if lies are involved). That’s why I always tell parents,
“You never do your kids any favor by snow-plowing their roads in
life.” No one can buy you self-respect. You have to earn it yourself.
Simply
stated, no one feels truly good about undeserved rewards being handed
to them (especially if lies are involved). That’s why I always tell
parents, “You never do your kids any favor by snow-plowing their roads
in life.”
No one can buy you self-respect. You have to earn it yourself.
If
you were one of those two actress moms, imagine explaining what you did
to your daughter(s) over the dinner table: “Honey, I thought you
weren’t smart enough/talented enough to get into that school, so I was
just trying to help…”
Then imagine your daughter’s expression as
she realizes: Not only will I be denied admission to the school I
bragged about getting in to my friends, but my academic track record is
ruined for life.
As I wrote in a previous op-ed,
parents if you think you’re doing those things for your kid, take a
good look in the mirror. You’re selfish. All those things you’re
doing…well, you’re not really doing them for your kid. You’re doing them
for you, because the thought of your kid being unhappy, struggling,
failing, and not being able to compete with their peers drives you
crazy.
But
here’s the irony. Doing anything for your kid that he could do for
himself actually accomplishes the opposite of what you truly want. It
ruins your child’s chance for success in life because it weakens their
resolve, kills their resilience, tears down their self-concept, and
diminishes their desire to do anything in life on their own.
Now that’ll put a major cramp in a parent-child relationship.
