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As the election draws closer, I am seeing Harris/Walz signs on lawns as I drive to work. And the number seems to have grown a little in the last few weeks. I drive through an old, established neighborhood in St. Louis called Webster Groves during my commute. Turn-of-the-century Victorians with wrap-around porches and giant elm trees line Elm Street (of course) as you drive through it. It's a nice area. I kind of wish I lived there sometimes. To live in Webster Groves, you probably need to be a doctor, lawyer, or a business owner. It's not cheap. Having had a good education is probably the prerequisite to the career that provides the income to afford living there. I doubt there are many blue collars except for the ones that cut the grass. So, as I drive through this area, the question keeps appearing in front of me like the flight data on an F-16's HUD display. "Why in the Hell Would Anybody Vote for Kamala Harris?" I don't mean that rhetorically, as in, "Are you out of your mind? Why would you vote for her?" I mean it in sort of a scholarly way, like, "Are you day drinking? Why would you vote for her?" I jest, but no, really...what sort would give their vote to Kamala Harris? So I decided to give it a little more consideration, sort of a thought experiment into the mindset of voters that would cast a ballot for her on purpose. This is just me spitballing, but I think there are actually a number of reasons. These appear in no specific order because right now, I'm doing the stream-of-consciousness thing. 1. You hate Trump. You would have voted for an old sack of rotting oatmeal that sits on the beach licking ice cream cones all day instead of voting for Trump. That's it, that's all there is. Thank God Kamala is now in the race. Now you won't have to hear the incessant taunts of I Told You So the next time Biden succumbs to gravity and somersaults down a flight of stairs, falls off a bike, or poops himself in front of the Pope. 2. You're a good, loyal soldier. You'll vote Democrat no matter what (Fetterman). You'd campaign for a baked lasagna (Fetterman) if it had a (D) after its name (Fetterman). Now, to be fair, Fetterman has turned out to be a bit of a pebble in the DNC's shoe with a few center or right-of-center comments. But Democrat voters never expected that when he ran. They saw Shrek in a hoodie and thought, "Kewl..." 3. The Truth is more important than Facts. This little gem, once uttered by Joe Biden, drives the conscience that becomes your guide. It's Jiminy Cricket 2.0. If you're a Progressive, you know there is no Truth. There is only Your Truth. And nobody is permitted to question it because your life experience is your own, and so cannot be challenged. Therefore, when Kamala says she comes from middle-class roots and worked at Mcdonald's, that is her Truth in spite of the fact that her parents were Ph.Ds (who could actually have a summer home in Webster Groves) and no work records can be found of Harris' tenure at the golden arches. Speaking truth to power means never having to prove you're genuine. 4. Policy Doesn't Matter. To vote for Kamala means that platitudes are diamonds and promises are gold. Kamala says she will do "great things" for the country, and you know that as long as her convictions mirror yours, eventually, she will circle back and explain just what those "great things" are. After she is elected. Perhaps getting rid of your gas stove, your Weber grill, your combustion engine, your ceiling fan, your dishwasher, or the air, water, and trees on your private land (see SUSTAINS ACT) are among those little Easter Eggs that are buried within Kamala's Plan to do Great Things starting January 21st. But you know that policy is a secondary or tertiary consideration compared to personality because you have to believe her. You must believe her. She has nothing else to offer. Kamala has no policies she can direct you to. She hasn't done anything in four years, and whatever unpopular side effects of the administration might exist (inflation, immigration, more inflation), well, those can be blamed on Joe Biden. He won't mind. He won't remember. Liberal Senators Confident Flip-Flopping Kamala Harris Would Quickly Veer Left If Elected Meanwhile, Harris Steals Another Key Trump Economic Policy, Can Media Dupe Enough of Us to Grease Her Way In? 5. We Need a Strong Black Woman as President. But until one turns up, you have Kamala Harris. She's no Condi Rice (whom I would vote for in an instant), but she's available and running now. Don't know how strong she is, but if she could ascend to the Vice-Presidency of the United States because of skin color and gender, she can accomplish anything and must have something going for her. But as Nancy Pelosi once said, you have to vote for the bill to see what's in the bill. So you'll go into the polling place, make the Sign of the Cross, pull the lever, and hope for the best. 6. We Need More New Americans. You will vote for Kamala because Kamala knows, as you do, that the continued growth of the country demands ever-increasing fonts of new blood. What was once an Illegal Alien has evolved into an Undocumented Immigrant, a Migrant, and now a New American. Because as we know, this country owes every good thing (and none of the bad ones) to people who came here by stepping over the Rio Grande (as well as our laws) and into our neighborhoods. And if a few million are good, 20 million are better. Unless you live in Martha's Vineyard. Or Bel Air. Or in Kamala's front yard. Those New Americans get moved onto a defunct military base in Massachusetts or just deposited somewhere in the Midwest. But of course, you can understand that. You can forgive that because Kamala knows, as you do, that this is what's best for the New Americans so they can integrate with the Old Americans who live in Tumblebutt, Oklahoma. They will overwhelm the public services, the school systems, and the police and fire departments, but this is a good thing because it creates intense challenges that both sets of Americans can struggle through together. It will develop the grit and guts that epitomize the unconquerable American Spirit. It melds them through the forge and within the crucible to produce new Democratic voters, ensuring a one-party state for your children and grandchildren. And, after all, isn't that the way to the future...Comrade? 7. Afghanistan. Afghanistan? Pshaw! That's so 2021. Old news. The exit was whatever it was because it simply had to be done. It had to be done all at once, and it had to be done anyway it could. Kamala knows this, and so do you. When she says she was the last one out of the room, you understand it wasn't because she was responsible. It just means she was told to shut off the lights on her way out. Dead Marines at Abbey Gate and Afghans plopping onto the runway from 130 feet in the air? Biden. Biden did that. 8. Sharp as a Tack. Smartest guy in the room. Best version of Joe Biden ever. For years, Kamala assured America that the President of the United States was in top form. Fully Mission Capable. Had his crap wired tight. But Kamala really knew better, and so did you. As a politician who may have to engage in some unsavory things to survive, you understood that she had to say those things in order to maintain her proximity to power should an anvil land on Biden's head or if he pedaled his bike into a cliff with a tunnel painted on it. Kamala lied to us, but at the same time, she did it for us. You can respect that. You can vote for that in spite of the fact that such a grave issue is more than just a fly in the paint job. Of course, the prudent and honorable thing would be to put the country first and initiate the proceedings for the 25th Amendment, but, uh....does she really even know what that is? Plausible deniability?...the events of the past sometimes cloud our vision of the pluperfect future and propel us into the field of what once was...or something. Ugh. Head starting to hurt, but yeah, you know you could still vote for that if only for the reasons mentioned above. Anyway, as the drive through Webster Groves came to an end and carried me into nearby Brentwood, I sort of came back to the education thing. You have a Harris sign in your yard, but there's no educated reason to vote for her. She has no track record of positive accomplishments; she only has a track record of being there in the background like Zelig or doing fluff stuff like the School Bus Shuffle or Looking at the Moon with Her Own Eyes. Say what you want about Trump, but at least he could point to actual accomplishments and positive numbers during his tenure, so it makes me wonder why other educated people don't see that. Or maybe they do. And maybe they don't care. Maybe they just want to virtue signal...I do not know. However, my hope is that there will be enough people out there who can sort through the chaff and vote from an understanding of the things that are greater than skin color or hairstyle. It's kind of important. Our future is going to be formed by what happens in several weeks, and we're all going to have to live in that world. Dan Zoernig is a commercial photographer, retoucher, and illustrator in St. Louis, Missouri. Earning a degree in History/Political Science from Rockhurst University, he has been commenting on social and policy matters since the early 2000s. |
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